Happy Birthday Evelyn!

Happy 1st Birthday, Evelyn! We made it through the first year! I have to admit there were times when John and I both seriously doubted we'd see this day in one piece.


It's funny how her first birthday really does feel special, not just your average run of the mill day, even as we go about our normal routine. It feels like the events of the past year, big and small, daunting and easy, have all been running their course and are culminating in this one point in time, and now we can take a moment to just be still and take stock of all that's happened. As John put it, Evelyn's birth day feels like it was just yesterday, and it also feels like it was 10 years ago. We have been through so much, and yet it's just the tip of the iceberg.
I don't think either of us was fully prepared to become a parent, or even had a single clue about what that really meant. While I absolutely loved being pregnant, and even have only the fondest of memories of labor (thanks to those memory-erasing hormones!), I was (we were) completely unprepared for what came next. And boy did we find out.

But I guess those memory-erasing hormones last quite a while, because the long sleepless nights, the endless diaper explosions, the fear, the doubt, the panic... they are all but a distant memory. What stands out to me are:

• The early morning light in the hospital room right after Evelyn was born (at 8:42am). I had labored through the night and all was dark and peaceful, and when Evelyn was born, it was as if I were opening my eyes for the first time. Blinking in that grey light, nursing Evelyn for the first time, I watched the hustle and bustle around me suddenly come into sharp focus -- John, who hadn't left my side for even a single second all night, finally sitting down and looking happy and shocked. Paula (pregnant and exhausted, having been with us throughout labor) stalling my aunt and uncle who were anxiously waiting outside, to give me a little more time.
• Watching with amazement as my little girl grew, and grew, and grew... she was a chunky little Buddha baby whose chubby cheeks and perpetually surprised expression drew attention everywhere we went.
• The shock and surprising sadness when I held Evelyn one day and realized that her torso was no longer the solidly squishy ball of fat it once was, and I could actually feel her ribs! She lengthened as she slimmed, and suddenly I saw a little girl emerging from the folds.
  

And now of course, we have this beautiful, blossoming one year old girl (a toddler I guess!), who makes us laugh every day and also continues to surprise us every day. For instance, on the very day of her birthday, she took her first extended walk across half the living room! Unbelievable timing. (video pending)

While I once questioned whether I'd be a good mom, now I know that I am, no matter how much time I have to be away from her during the day or how little I know about child development -- I am learning, and I won't let her down. John is learning too, and has a special connection with Evelyn that even I don't have. She has this special level of excitement that she reserves only for him, and sometimes literally screams with joy when he comes home from work.

We're growing into the roles we have laid out for us, and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.