Revelation

When I was pregnant last year, one of the unpleasant surprises of the experience was the lack of courtesy and consideration that I got from other riders on the bus to work. It was a rare occasion when someone would actually offer a seat to me, an obviously pregnant woman, and it was shocking. Able-bodied men and women would sleep, or pretend to sleep, or read without daring to look up, or one time, even look up and then continue to read. I was on the high horse handed out to all first-time pregnant women, and I was outraged.

The other day, I was standing on a crowded bus on my way to work, thankfully and comfortably no longer pregnant. At some point, I saw in the reflection of the window a pregnant woman standing behind me and off to the side, and once again, I seethed at the inconsideration of my fellow passengers. There they were with their perpetual tunnel vision. And as a couple of people sitting nearby were preparing to get off at the next stop, I prepared to loudly and pointedly offer this woman one of those seats. But as we approached the stop, and as those people got up, I hesitated. What if this woman isn't really pregnant? What if I'm wrong and publicly embarrass both myself and her? In my hesitation, those seats were snatched up by other passengers and I just stood there. And then it hit me. Maybe all those times no one offered me a seat, they didn't want to presume and make a mistake. Isn't it I who have always said that you should never ever ever assume a woman is pregnant unless you actually see a baby coming out of her vagina?

Last month, on a whim, I went to New York for a weekend to help celebrate an old and dear friend's 30th birthday. It was my first time away from Evelyn, and the first time John had to take care of her completely for a couple of days - bath, bottle, bed, and all. But that'd be a whole other blog entry... There I am in New York, 7 months postpartum and feeling utterly out of place and unprepared, surrounded by my friend's friends, all childless, fabulous, and New York-skinny. We're in line to get into some club and at the door this 20-something frisks me. She opens my coat and exclaims ecstatically "Oh, you're having a baby!"

I still think about that woman sometimes. I didn't want to be the person that that woman on the bus thinks about, if she turned out not to be pregnant. And so I didn't say a word, and no one else did either. Eventually she got a seat, and you know, she sure did look pregnant, but even I couldn't be totally sure...